BORRRRED!

I literally cannot do NOTHING. I get so bored at any moment I think I am going to go crazy. I have not done anything on my list from Monday this week. I canNOT be bored or go down a slippery slope.

I get into lulls at work where there's nothing to do and I go crazy. I actually ran out on the street today to buy cigarettes; spent $7.50, smoked half of one, and threw it out in guilty agony -- all for something to do to take up 20 minutes of time or so.

I asked in our weekly meeting for more sites and the boss said "you already have way too many we better not give you more" and everyone nodded like "oh boy you are so busy we better not!"... I know I just do everything faster than everybody else, I always have. I already have more on my list than these other guys here.

But: I hate those times that get hectic and I get stressed out, but hate these times too... I know they cannot be magically evened-out.

Anyway tomorrow is Friday -- I am hoping for ONE PERFECT DAY where I don't do anything bad. One perfect day to lead into a perfect weekend, where I feel good and don't feel guilty about my previous week. Just give me that one day! I'll just take it an hour at a time.