beyond recognition
I am having a hard time with my parents. I don't hate them... but I really DISLIKE them. I cannot stand them. They are bigots, they have joined what is basically a cult, (a religion stemmed from Luth...ism from one of its extreme factions), they have gone off a cliff...
It is embarrassing almost, how much I dislike them and yet feel responsible for them. (I know I was a problem child, but that's because I had a Mind of My Own.)
But I cannot not talk to them... I feel like I ame responsible in some way for them, I feel like "who will care for them" kind of way, as they are in their 70s... I sometimes think "fuck them!" but then I think "but look at all they did for you when you were little"!"
They have cut-off talking to me and Tom like they used to every weekend... but they did email to ask for pics of me and my brother from our visit last weekend... They do call once in a while, in a deprecating tone, like "sorry to bug you I know you are busy just wanted to see how work is going for you!" and it sucks, because they remember everything we say -- they bring it up: "how was that job-review last Tuesday?" they are so conscientious...
They try so hard but fuck.
I will always take care of them if they need it, but they just keep doing weird things like praying in our guest bedroom loudly for us when they visit... it is awful. Also I think they are totally brainwashed, and I wonder how much of their livelihood savings they are giving away to that church... I feel bad for them in a way.
They are really crazy. I don't know what to do but live my life and take care of them as needed.
3 comments:
Oh, it seems that you know exactly what to do, as evidenced by your last sentence. That is all you can do, but living your life can be as wonderful as you make it.
I, too, was a "problem child" due to the difference between my parents' very religious perceptions and my own. You having a mind of your own is a great thing! And I love reading what you come up with.
I wish you were having an easier time with them and that I had good advice to give.
Sometimes you have to just take people as they are and limit your contact with them. You seem to be doing that, so, hang in there!
I used to feel really bad about not liking my parents. But then I realized, that despite the fact that I love them because they're my parents and I'm supposed to, I truly dislike them as people. If they weren't related to me, I wouldn't talk to them all. And you know what, that's okay. I know, just like you do, that if they needed me to take care of them, I would be there (lucky for me, my parents are relatively young - in their mid-40s, so I still have some time).
So don't feel bad....you're are not alone. :-D
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