conflict averted!

Tom yelled at me yesterday about something... it's every weekend lately he's raised his voice about something, or hardly spoken to me... I held it together yesterday but this morning the first thing he said to me was to snap at me.

All of a sudden it just was the final drain, it's like it drained everything out of me and I couldn't get out of bed. I just laid there for the longest time, he showered and everything... we were thinking of going to breakfast (he had to go into work a few hours today so we mentioned doing that first) but I couldn't get up so he was like "are we going to breakfast?" and I said "why don't you just go to work so you don't have to stay so late".

Then he went in the kitchen for a while and came back in and I was wondering if he'd even notice me but he must have because he said "I made some coffee do you want any?" I said no. And he finally asked me what was wrong. I told him, it seems like every weekend lately he gets annoyed at me or mad at me for something, and I can't talk to him about it because he just says I'm being annoying or I'm in the wrong for feeling that way. And I said "it doesn't even seem like you like hanging out with me, even enjoy my company".

Which was like the hardest thing I've ever said.

And I am so glad I did, because he actually sat down by me and apologized. He said he's sorry he's been so grouchy, but work is really stressful lately. I said I know it has been, and I've been trying to do everything I can to make things easier for him, I take care of everything I can around here, I know he's been working so many hours and it is very stressful for him --

I just need to be told sometimes that it's not ME that's bugging him, that it's something else, that I haven't done anything. (I did say that I do of course want him to be honest and tell me when I've done something annoying or wrong, but when I haven't, to not take something else out on me.)

And he said he loved me and was sorry and that he plans on taking me out tonight. (And this week he did make reservations at my favorite hotel for my birthday weekend in May, so he is thinking about me. I need to remember that.)

I feel so much better right now that I said something I have been keeping it inside so long. Usually I just clam up so as not to make it worse and don't say anything. I hope he is not too disturbed and everything is still ok and that we will have fun tonight. I hope I was not making too big a deal about anything... I know I am much more sensitive than Tom and he's just very comfortable around me and that's just how he is, and maybe I need to not be so emotional.

(Also the whole time this was happening Guapo stretched out against my side under the covers and pressed against me and would not move away, like he knew I was upset, when normally he's up and about by that time. That dog breaks my heart. Also he growled when Tom came over to kiss me goodbye. What a gent.)